Life hasn't been that interesting, but I feel possessed to write. S did a tarot reading for me and told me that I need to trust my gut more--to stop overthinking every
little detail and just give in to the process, do what feels good in the moment. So I'm going to try to do that. (I see 111s and 222s more than usual lately...does that mean
Met up with my boss at a coffee shop for the first time in months. It definitely went smoother than last time, but it was still a bit...odd. **TW: Homophobia?**
found a way to slip in a "Teddie is in the closet"
joke during our conversation. Like, totally unprompted. I don't think I've ever really hinted at my sexuality around her, besides not being
openly hateful of queer folks...She's not completely wrong,
(I'm bisexual so she's technically half right, lmao)
but it's a weird statement to make to someone who
hasn't properly come out to you. (And that you have a professional relationship with...) I don't even really remember what I said in response tbh. I totally froze up, all I did was kind of
laugh awkwardly. I'm hoping we can just move on from this and I still get a paycheck at the end of day...
I saw some of my friends this weekend, for the first time in ages. I realized that I hadn't seen S and J in person all summer! E hosted a bonfire
and we made s'mores--soooo good~*! >w< Then we all played ACNH for awhile. I have to start getting into the habit of checking in on my island again. I think I
can finally make it look "good" and cohesive with the new update coming~
But somehow, I've been in a sour mood. Most of my friend circle doesn't seem to be in a very good place mentally right now. Things are still chaotic here at home. Idk...Everyone's hurting, and
there isn't much that can be done about it. It's selfish, but I wish it was easier to just go out somewhere and have
fun, and not think about anything too serious.
It's not all that bad though. I feel like I've been (materially) sucessful this month, despite everything. My jfashion haul came in and it's all so nice~ That MILK coat is still my favorite thing--I'm pretty sure it's real
wool! It's incredible, waaah~
Also, I've managed to catch some awesome sales on Steam recently: I bought Planet Coaster and Impossible Creatures.
So my evenings have been spent playing those~
I lay awake at night and think about what I want my life
to be like. There's a lot of things I'm excited about, but they all feel far away--like I can't manifest much
in the present, but there are good things coming in the far-off future.
But it's all pretty stupid though, I can't be sensible at all.
Before falling asleep one night, my thoughts were racing--"I just don't know what to do with my life. There's no one here to tell me what to do next,"
I thought. But then it hit me: that's
the best part, isn't it? The fact that there's no one to tell me what to do anymore...? I've spent the first half of my life with helicopter parents and controlling partners. Even if it's chaotic
and messy, I need to cherish this time in my life, because I feel like I can finally make decisions for myself for the first time.