In just one night, everything changed.
TW: Agressive family dynamics/Getting kicked out? Kinda...?
This is a long story, but I'll try to keep it simple for my future self, and anyone else out there reading this: Friday night (April 8th), my dad tried to kick my mom and I out of the house. I'm not entirely sure if
those are the right words to be using--but my mom and dad got into a heated argument while I was upstairs...and I got a text from mom saying "Dad says to leave. Pack your bags."
As you can imagine, this sent me into a
panic, especially with no context with how we got to this point. I was looking over my room, trying not to cry, thinking "Okay, like...if I can never come back here again, what should I take?" It turned out, I couldn't pack
all that much--I don't even own a proper suitcase, it was just me and my backpack.
We got in the car and drove towards the ocean, with the idea that we'd spend the night at my aunt's place. But mom got sheepish about intruding on them, and we booked a hotel room instead. On the way there, she
tried to explain what had happened between her and dad. I'd like to think I initially misunderstood the whole getting "kicked out" bit--that the conversation was actually started by my mom, and just went back and forth
until mom ended with "well I'll
leave then, so I don't have to deal with your annoying ass"...But it all still sucks.
The trip would have been nice, I think, if it wasn't for my painful ear. In the chaos of everything, I forgot to pack my ear drops...My condition got worse since my last entry. I absolutely couldn't
hear out of my left ear at all. It was ringing so much, and the pressure made me feel like my head was going to explode--like I was underwater or something. But going thrift shopping with my aunt
was fun, and I had a really huge breakfast at the hotel the next morning.
We came back home after spending one night. We weren't even gone all that long, but I'd like to think it was long enough for my parents to calm down. We forgot way too much stuff while packing (poor mom didn't even
have a change of clothes) and we needed to return home to care for the animals, anyways. So...now things are back to normal, I guess?
I've been home for a few days now. Dad seems to have chilled out, and
has been catching up on housework as an apology, I think.
But it all still feels wrong. It doesn't really excuse his behavior and how it lead up to us literally running from him. I watched him lose his shit and shriek at inanimate objects earlier that day...a complete
tantrum, like a toddler. Something was going on, and he was acting incredibly unhinged--the only thing I can chalk it up to is that maybe he was using some kind of substance that day. Too much weed was making him paranoid, and
he was seeing things..? Maybe...?!?
I'm still shaken. What does this mean for the future? How bad is this going to get...?
Mom's been slowly putting together the giant packet of paperwork she needs to finalize the
divorce, and she tells me that she's almost done. But...what's going to happen when dad gets the letter in the mail officiating this? How crazy is he going to get?
And I feel trapped in the middle of all of it. This is my own fault, to some degree--for not being able to support myself and move out on my own before shit hit the fan, my health issues making me "late to life",
so to speak. But there's not much I can do about it, now. I'm trying to pick up the pieces in my own life--I've seen the doctor for my ear since I've been back home, and I'm trying to get more things into boxes.
Before all of this went down, I was working really hard on my overlays for twitch. Things are finally starting to look how I imagined them!!!!
I'll be testing all of the interactive stuff I set up with StreamElements this weekend. (Hopefully it doesn't all break as soon as I go live, lmao) Since my family isn't celebrating Easter, I hope to stream
a couple of times
this weekend. I need the practice! Everything might be awful, but I'm going to try to have hope and channel my nervous energy into something productive.